Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
