The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
