Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
