Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
