Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
