To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
