i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
