Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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