Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
