By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
