I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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