the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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