so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
