people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
