blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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