i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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