Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
