upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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