you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
