Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
