I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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