I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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