two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
