how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize