you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
