clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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