I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
