guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
