Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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