Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
