Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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