I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I stole a fireplace last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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