is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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