am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
