He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize