I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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