He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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