I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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