i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
