hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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