i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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