I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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