i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
