We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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