Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
