I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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