She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
