Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
