i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
