is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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