I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
