I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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