Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
