I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
