He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize