if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
