I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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