Farmville is her only friend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
