are you so shy because you have an std?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
