Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
