I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
