God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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