He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
