I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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