Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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