Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
