well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
