I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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