and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
