Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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