i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
