just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Alive.
So much puke
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
