Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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