11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
