Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
