This girl is more easily done than said...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
