can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
