i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
