Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
